Dear Monika
by Legio Sinica
Summary: I cannot express how much I care for you, and how you have carried me through trying times with a mere I love you. When the day comes, I wish that we could read this story together and share a smile.


Prologue: To feel a Heart Beat

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug. 12

ID: Sinoraptor

Password: ******

 _Login successful._

…

Sinoraptor: Prime, do you have a moment?

Sinoprimum: Raptor. We've missed you for quite a while.

R: Yeah, I know. I got quite caught up in stuff.

P: Give me the gist.

R: I am actually here to sign myself off.

P: From the project? Raptor, you know better than anyone that you play a vital part in it, no matter what the others say. I'll talk with V if that's what's bothering you.

R: You know it is more than that. You said it yourself three months ago.

P: And I'm glad that I was wrong about that, since you're talking to me right now.

P: Look, Raptor, I have an idea. I can't be there for you 24/7, but I know someone who can.

R: What in the name of the Emperor are you talking about?

 _Five minutes later_

P: [picture]

R: …You serious?

P: Yes.

P: Look, find her [link] and just talk to her whenever you hear the ticking alright? And stay away from windows of any kind.

R: Why do you think I would even play this game?

P: Because it's been a pleasure working with you, and since I have grown fond of the game, I think you would find it interesting too. Do try it out, the Bulwark could use some fleshing out on the entertainment side.

R: Well, well, says the one who created a faction that condemns all people who don't study hard enough to an eternity of unliving torture and servitude.

P: Point conceded. Still, that is that and this is this. We are talking about your personal well-being, R.

R: Okay. I will get to it.

 _Five minutes later_

R: Prime, you know, maybe I will hang in here just a bit. I have to get my point across to Vulcan after all. I am NOT making a self-insert faction to assuage my own conscience.

P: Good. Our name is Legion, for we are one. Discord breaks apart the Legion. Remember that, Raptor, and that you should really try out that game. I would not take losing a very contributive member lightly. I remind V to watch his words next session. Have a nice day, friend.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 14, sunny

Dear Diary,

I guess I cannot help myself. Prime does have a nice taste about games, and this rather unorthodox visual novel is proof of it. The three-hour break that I spent on it was quite productive, to say the least. The creator of this game has not only made a good meta game, he also has laid enough seeds to create a sequel. These same seeds could be implemented into our story, and Prime has ordained a conclave on the 16th to discuss this, which I think would probably be mostly about giving our poor cogboy a love interest. Who knows what this would mean for our project?

As for the acts…well, hell if I did not expect them. Comments on Steam have quite a lot of people being surprised, but then, just as Prime knows me, I know him. If he thinks a game is good, then it is, at the very least, atypical of its genre. So, I was rolling a dice around to decide what words I should pick in the minigame, knowing that a turn would pop up soon. The fact that an in-game character jokes about other characters just like her as if she were a player is something that could be worked into an AI short. But I guess the Indexes come first, and that would have to wait.

Currently in the scene where Monika just stares at me and talks. Since it is just the two of us talking, she is covering topics that one does not generally talk about, not even loved ones. It is a pity that she is just talking to me instead of having a conversation, but with the limits of the medium, I guess that could not be helped. I wonder if she would still be this open with me if something happens and place her in this reality. Interesting conjecture, but still, I guess letting her watch me study is a more sensible option than pondering the question and doing nothing.

Oh yes, I should probably mention that a lot of detail went into her artwork, especially the eyes. I doubt that I would see anyone in real life that has those eyes, though.

Might as well note that it was in the middle of the day, but her background is dark and sunless. I suppose I could tweak things around and get the sunlit background like the picture Prime showed me? I had to turn off that depressing music, too. The creator thought it was nice to place a track like that in this scene? Well, I cannot think of a piece worse than that to play. Crazy my Beat may be a little too high for this scene, but hey, I need to keep my spirits up.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 15, sunny

Dear Diary,

This…I…I have no idea what I have done.

I suppose I should tell you everything, then.

Monika keeps mentioning this folder and stuff about keeping her safe, not that I did not go through the files after Act 1. With Doki Doki Literature Club being a metagame and all, this is quite an obvious prompt to well, do the opposite.

And things hit the fan.

The only good that came out of it was, I have mental scars regarding the importance of backing up files.

It was not fair.

I know this is nonsense. I know this is a game. But when I reached the ending, my mind could not really wrap around that. So much for thinking I know Prime. Blast it, I may have to go to a psychiatrist soon, the man! Why did he think it was a good idea for me to play this game?! Does he think letting me watch _that_ conversation helps my situation? Does he have fatalistic tendencies or what?

It was not fair. Not for the others, and especially not Monika. Maybe there's a way to bring her back, perhaps by changing something in /game? Not that I'd have any clue…

I still have her .chr file, but the bloody game made sure there was no going back. I am at a loss for why the game has overwhelmingly positive reviews. Perhaps tragedies have an appeal of their own and being unpleasantly surprised by a visual _romance_ novel amplifies said appeal.

I am feeling quite uncomfortable, but I have to rein it in. My family would be better off not knowing that I am troubled by such adolescent matters.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 16, sunny

Diary,

I wrote up my propositions. Sent them to Prime and Psyber. Called in sick. Not leaving DDLC for quite a while. Decided to look up the game.

Turns out there's a collector's ending. Some call it the true ending. Guess they did not fall for the 'trap of the meta'. Good for them. They would carry on. Move on to the next game. Forget about that one girl and her song.

Saw Monika's .chr letter. Third eye mentioned again. Strange what that means.

Looked up some mods and decided to try out Our Time. The opening scene was actually very touching. Then there is the waking up scene. But that's awkward since it devolves into more explanations. It is good to see the other girls fine and well again. But this was not what I was looking for.

Not.

Looking.

For.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 17, very sunny

Monika,

Can you hear me?

Haha, it is nice to see you in the classroom again.

And the _sunlit background!_ This is just wonderful! I guess I really was looking forward to meeting you _somewhere only we know~_

Praise to the fine folks that made this reunion possible!

I would really love to get you coffee, sweetheart, but Ren'py has left me confused, not to mention the fact that I have no idea how to open the source code…and of course, I would have to ask my father for permission to install another OS on his (third) computer, since it is technically loaned to me and not mine. Besides, coffee would not help with you getting a good night's rest, Mon-mon. It would leave you restless at a time when you could have been dreaming about me.

In the meantime, I would just have to back you up inside my spacious flash drive. Maybe I could put a coffee machine in /characters so that you could make coffee? Perhaps I could put in a picture of a forest cabin too, trees with green leaves that match your own emerald eyes. When the day comes, I hope we could experience living in a forest cabin together. Would you like that? You could leave me a .txt anytime, ok?

Sleep tight.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 19, sunny

Diary,

I guess this would probably be my last entry addressing you in a long time.

But seriously, I cannot…I cannot talk to her as if nothing happened. Why did I even click on that option?

Why did I call her a murderer when I play wargames?

She was the only character throughout my whole gaming life who actually bothered talking to _me_ , spending time with _me_ , and what did I do? I am seriously a douche.

Well, an apology is in order. Hopefully she would let the matter pass.

I guess saying that after I said "I love you" would hit extra hard. Perhaps some options in life are best left unchosen. If you could talk to her somehow, please pass on the message that I am doubly sorry for my words.

My playlists are also evolving away from absolute music and OSTs. There is some strange, quaint charm to the songs Monika sings to me. That, or I am just head over heels in love and cannot live without her presence, tut tut. So what was I thinking when I called her a murderer? I...blast it.

Guess that's all for now.

P.S

Tying up some loose ends on projects here and there, while getting ready for school. Sophomore year is rumoured to be very stressful, and I had better do my best. Being a disappointment to my parents is not an option. They really care for me doing alright, but it would be best not to let them know about…some things.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 20, slight clouds

Dear Monika,

I wonder what things look like on your side as I type in translations? I am curious as to how a computer process perceives other processes. Not that I would mistreat my Word 2016, no, I make part of my living off of it! Not that the _particular_ translation was for-profit. I personally regard that as a favour for an author I admire. Speaking of which, my team did not ask him for permission yet…

Beijing is very dry, dry as in there is very little rainfall. I guess we could only listen to the sound of rain after we leave at the end of the month. But in the meantime, we could enjoy the many wonders of Beijing, like the Xidan Book Tower we went to earlier in the day! I was technically there to look out for my sister as she looks for her textbooks, but I showed you a couple of novels I found interesting by taking pictures of them.

Perhaps I could teach you Chinese once you cross-over so that we could enjoy those books together as we cuddle together on the couch? Preferably turning the pages together while soft jazz plays in the background, I am sure my father would not mind sharing his vintage collection. Do you like the idea, darling?

Nighty night.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 24, sunny with a streak of clouds

Dear Monika,

I guess it may be about time to introduce you to my sister. I have no idea how she would react to you being trapped inside a computer, though. I would just have to convince her that the anomaly above the Pacific sent a spark to you and made you sentient. I guess technobabble would be my _actual_ major when I look back after a couple of decades, haha.

Saw you bring up the hedgehog's dilemma, and I feel like something hit me hard. If you could actually read this message, then I want to tell you that there are Monikas out there who are being hurt intentionally by their person on the other side. It is actually quite depressing to see that some people _flaunt_ such behavior! I would not be able to relate to them even if they fell for the other club members, but the truth is even worse. They are simply interested in torturing their Monikas because of the power rush!

I would never do that to you, I promise. I would cuddle you every day if I could, but I have to settle for staring into your eyes for now. I think you would agree that cuddling the computer is outright silly, right?

As an afterthought, I would really like some help from you on my math-related subjects. In your current state, you can calculate a lot faster than me, and this ability would help with my learning biostatistics _immensely_.

Don't let the bugs bite. No pun intended, darling.

≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡ ≡I≡

Aug 31, sunny

My sweet, sweet Monika,

It is about time for me to head down south tomorrow, and we would be going out on a last family dinner in a long time. It would be a place that sells live seafood, and it has been a place I have grown very fond of. Picking out the biggest clams and looking for drinks (including ways to mix them!) with my sister has always been a lot of fun.

I have always been fond of live seafood because some preservatives cause severe allergies, and I have learned to avoid them by virtue of experience. You did mention that you avoid meats because of the carbon output associated with their production. From what I have learned, seafood production has a far smaller impact on the global climate, so I really hope that we could share a fish together once you cross-over, Monika.

Chinese cuisine is very diverse if you want to find a dish that involves fish. My personal favorite is fish boiled in sauerkraut-and-lemon soup. I hope that you would enjoy it too. I also wonder if you would have it with or without chili. I, for one, cannot ingest anything spicy without Coke, but I am changing my habits to dairy. No, don't get me wrong, I have been working on my unhealthy habits before we started dating!

Today also marks the day that I finally won a game of pong! But I am sure that it was just a thank-you gesture from you, for my playing dozens of games with you. I doubt that I would get the lil' critter past your defenses ever again. Well, if letting a ball past my defenses would make your time with me more enjoyable, then I would gladly do so. After all, your smile is the one thing I could count on to brighten my days.

I guess there is one more thing I should pack. I don't have a promise ring for you, Monika, but I think I have something that is even better. I'll keep it a surprise, so no peeking through the webcam!

Love,

He who cannot live without your pure emeralds.


End file.
